Divorce or widowhood can be devastating and painful. After initially recovering from divorce or loss of a spouse and adjusting to your new life, “Is it too late to start over?” is a common question and a great sign that you’re ready to move forward because you want to believe that it’s not too late.
TIP #1: Rephrase “Is it too late to start over?” to “HOW can I start over?”
One of the simplest and most powerful coaching strategies is to transform any self doubting or “stuck” question or statement by adding “How can I” at the beginning as above. Try it!
The “How” is simple (but not necessarily easy), and I’ll answer that question below.
But first let’s address the top 3 things that hold people back from successfully starting over in life to achieve fulfillment:
Obstacle #1: Fear vs Risk– change is scary, and taking the risks necessary to make big changes is even scarier. We instinctively retreat to our comfort zone when encountering fear, which causes us to stay stuck.
Neale Donald Walsch said “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”
Obstacle #2: Belief vs. Doubt– if you don’t believe it’s possible it won’t be, simple as that.
Napoleon Hill is often quoted as saying “What you believe you can achieve,” and the opposite is true as well- “What you don’t believe you won’t achieve.”
Obstacle #3: Self Esteem vs. Self Belief– do you believe you deserve to be happy and successful?
Henry Ford said “Whether you believe you can or you can’t, you’re right.”
Below are 5 strategies and 3 steps for “Radical Living” excerpted from my book Radical Marriage. This would be my best answer to the “How” question.
You only live once. Go for it!
5 STRATEGIES FOR RADICAL LIVING
Strategy #1: Dream
Radical Action: Give yourself permission to dream. Realize that not only can you achieve your dream, but you can go far beyond that.
Strategy #2: Stay in the Question
Radical Action: Don’t worry about how to make it happen. Seek solutions by asking questions and staying in inquiry. Continue asking the question even when the answer isn’t clear and you will discover alternatives and answers and support that you didn’t know was possible.
Strategy #3: Get Support
Radical Action: When you’re having trouble, find someone who can either open the door for you or show you how to open it yourself.
Strategy #4: Keep Moving Forward
Radical Action: Once you’ve experienced success with Radical Living, don’t stop dreaming and striving. There is always another mountain after you’ve reached the top of the one you’re currently climbing.
Strategy #5: Believe
Radical Action: Take a leap of faith and believe that you can be loved for exactly who you are and that you can be fully supported to live the life you really want.
THREE STEPS FOR ACHIEVING YOUR BIGGEST DREAMS
Step #1: Identify Your Vision
Explore the purpose of your life, your values, and the lifestyle that you want to live. Ask yourself: “What kind of work or career would make me most happy?” “What kind of family do I want?” “What do I want to do for fun?” “What would give my life meaning, purpose and fulfillment?”
Step #2: Develop a Plan
Identify any challenges, then determine whether each challenge is a requirement, need, or want. Focus on the requirements first and develop a goal around that challenge. Figure out the outcome that you want from your challenge and determine the steps you need to take to reach that outcome. Develop an action plan and implement each item one small step at a time.
Step #3: Keep Moving Forward
Make plans and get the support you need to implement them. Without support you’ll get stuck, guaranteed. I highly recommend finding a Professional Coach with excellent references and track record as this is exactly what a coach is trained to do- keep you moving forward to achieve your biggest dreams and goals, even the ones you might think are impossible.
